She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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