so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize