i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
