he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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