Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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