i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
