I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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