I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
