Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
