Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we made out on top of his cat.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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