It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I fill condoms, not promises.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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