omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize