I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The struggles of a small town man whore
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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