I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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