I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
