Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need to calm my uterus...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
