winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
