my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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