Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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