I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
