Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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