my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
