Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
