So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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