Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
