There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize