Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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