So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
