Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
