there was a trapeze. enough said
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When are your genitals available?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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