im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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