my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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