I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
