it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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