I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
