I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
