this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
