it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
