Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
