So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
