I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
