tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize