Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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