I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
