I can tuck mytits in my pants
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
