the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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