he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize