your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
