go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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