i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
