come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
