By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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