You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
