i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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