all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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