I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
