the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
