I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
