Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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