I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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