you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
