Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
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