Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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