You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
