maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
