how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
worst night to have a conscience
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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