no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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