she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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