She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
