i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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