This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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