You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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