Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
