i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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