Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
